kill

Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance?
Or only one way that it was always meant to be
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I should have said it
But tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it baby, this is who I am
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

so tragic!

i'm not a religious person at all, but my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone on that flight. i hope the two boys can pull through.

yes!

this might be the most amazing thing i have ever read!

staring at the sun

i've been bad at updating this thing lately. my girl teresa was in town in between tours for the past two weeks and since she was living with me, we kinda became the same person. our days consisted of sitting in bed gossiping all morning, eating, napping, and then partying. i went to work a lot in that time frame as well, got in a fight with my boss while she was wasted, and was then subsequently told i "text too much" while at work. HA! trying to explain AIM on a sidekick to my aging general manager is a mute point, so i just nodded my head and said "yes you are correct. this job is boring most of the time, i need something to keep me occupied."

i have about 2 weeks left until i need to be completely moved out of my little apartment on haight street. i'm no good at packing and my house is a veritable disaster area. i packed up a box of dvd's to ship and proceeded to unpack that box a week later when i wanted to watch bottle rocket. so much for living like i'm on vacation in my own home.

i took my cat to the vet. he's certified to fly with me now. i don't think he really understands moving though, so i'll let him have a minor heart attack when we board the plane. flying is uncomfortable and boring and claustrophobic for me, i don't know how a little animal is going to handle it, but i suppose we will see.

i'm going to treasure island music fest on saturday after finagling a saturday night off work. sunday is devoted to mike v and the east bay and some serious brodown time before i leave the west.

my heart is all upside down and turned around. the relationship is a complete mess and coupled with my bad timing and his ability to never be home, i think it's probably for the best, but i can't help but wonder if maybe he was my cue to stay and i'm not reading into fate the way i should. but as i told him, "i cannot stay here." it's terribly hard though and i just keep telling myself, "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." maybe fate will have a funny way of fixing this whole situation.

i'm incredibly scared i may be doing the wrong thing, but incredibly excited that, no matter what, i'm doing it.

srsly

it's weird. after 26 years, i officially have one month left in san
francisco.