nothing compares to a quiet evening alone

but for some reason...sitting still, being contemplative, reading books, watching movies, listening to new music online, none of this seems to satiate my mind. being with family is always nice, but i'm so bored right now, the idea of the santa rosa bar scene is enticing, almost exciting.

i definitely have a new crush but we haven't hung out much, so we'll see what happens a little further down the road. the idea of dating someone new doesn't excite me as much as it scares me.
i still long for a solid friendship with the one that flew away, i haven't accepted defeat insomuch that i haven't really accepted the situation for what it is...yet. in time i will learn why things are the way the are, but until then, i can only reach as far as my frail little arms will let me. every time i think about him, i feel like someone punched me in the stomach really hard. for lack of a better simile.

merry christmas. i love my friends more than they will ever, ever, ever know.

xmas eve pt 2

from my fire escape. haight st.

xmas eve

at my house.

shhhh

i have a secret crush on shawn harris.

mutiny

i went to santa cruz and all i got was an artist wristband and a subpar
vegan santa fe salad.

the con

listening to this album reminds me of watching the state of connecticut
fly by my window on a train headed to new york. le sigh.

erica's legacy

must have inspired this new restaurant downtown.

my mind on shuffle

beginners mistake; resiliency does not trump fragility. i should have
known better the first time, this is the last time. to truly flourish
under the pretense, i must fully commit to the certain set of beliefs i
have laid down for myself. figuring out what exactly they are, though,
is tantamount to actively pursuing the things and people i love with a
vigor i seem to have lost with the years. i never wanted to be "one of
many" but defending a title so trivial as what has been deemed
acceptable is a waste of time and productivity is my gauge of self
worth. so unfortunate that my head and my heart reside in two different
galaxies. if i had a rocketship, i'm not sure in which direction i would
move, if only to idle static in the vast mess of everything in between.

and we say goodbye...

and go underground.

in love

this pic sucks cause i took it from the sound booth at the bar but im in
love with the guy in the white shirt. center stage. like, for real.

community.livejournal.com/cobra_secret

um wow. ok. i'm not sure how i feel about this.

what if...

i already had my inconvienent, consuming, ridiculous,
can't-live-without-each-other love. and what if i never get it again?
some days i miss too much.

i can't seem to wake up today. listening to ultimate fakebook on
repeat. i'm almost not 25 anymore.

maybe

i made a huge mistake. i hope this doesn't backfire.

don't look up

i really think that i hate you and love you and hate to love you and
love to hate you.

even if it kills me..

i might have said this before but motion city soundtrack's new record is
probably my fave of the whole year and is still on repeat in my house.
no album has ever captured my life at the moment as perfectly as EIIKM.

thank you guys so much for the show last night! mcs was amazing, i think
it even mighta been the best i've ever seen them. wish all my fave
ladies coulda been there with me.