but for some reason...sitting still, being contemplative, reading books, watching movies, listening to new music online, none of this seems to satiate my mind. being with family is always nice, but i'm so bored right now, the idea of the santa rosa bar scene is enticing, almost exciting.
i definitely have a new crush but we haven't hung out much, so we'll see what happens a little further down the road. the idea of dating someone new doesn't excite me as much as it scares me.
i still long for a solid friendship with the one that flew away, i haven't accepted defeat insomuch that i haven't really accepted the situation for what it is...yet. in time i will learn why things are the way the are, but until then, i can only reach as far as my frail little arms will let me. every time i think about him, i feel like someone punched me in the stomach really hard. for lack of a better simile.
merry christmas. i love my friends more than they will ever, ever, ever know.
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