if you got money, you get in for free

i was lamenting to my friend the other day how i don't feel comfortable
unless i'm inside a rock club or on a tour bus. this is depressing to
me, but unless i quit my job and blacklist the last 10 years of my life,
i can't see that changing anytime soon.

i had a crazy couple days with teresa in town. lots of mutual friend
gossip, late nights, champagne, and cocaine. that last one i had no
part in though, thankfully. it's comforting having ladies in my life
who work with touring musicians as much as i do and understand the life
i live.

chris is in california right now and it's breaking my heart all over
again not being able to talk to him. i wasn't prepared for how it all
went down and i never, ever, ever wanted it to be like this. i would
give up all the other ones for him. they only temporarily take my mind
off the fact that i can't have the one i want. i can't close the book
yet, an ending hasn't been written.